The "posture" for healing

"Healing is found when you dare to love even when you're not ready to hurt."

i heard God whisper this to me when i was lying on my back 4 days ago, in balboa park (san diego) listening to a spanish guitarist 7 feet away. it was a divine moment; my eyes widened in silent, tearful awe. "I AM your Balm," says the Whisperer. 

"Really?"

to extend love although your heart may be filled with trepidation. 

scared of being disappointed, dropped, defamed, disadvantaged.

john mayer calls it "dreaming with a broken heart..."

and waking up is the hardest part.

so, what constitutes 'waking up'? 

if one has no expectations towards others' responses to one's extension of love, does one 'wake up'? no expectations to how others would be for the better as a result of that extension, no expectations to how others reciprocate. expectations, nonetheless, realistic or not. 

admittedly, i cannot imagine having no expectations when i demonstrate love, albeit the best way i understand it, however lacking in its totality and depth. we reach out in the hope that we are meaningfully impacting peoples' lives, and that we find ourselves refreshed in the process to keep giving. and giving. we call it 'mutual'. 

but expectations are trappings of our ability to love in a sustained, transformational way. because expectations have deadlines. and preset notions. don't you think so? 

and reciprocity? possibly overrated. so we become self-absorbed, and think "i need to heal first before i can give." but could it be that healing doesn't happen that way? that it is found in the process of embracing vulnerability at the expense of self-preservation?

in one of the books i'm reading, posture is highlighted in a most profound way. i love the insight. in retrospect, this past year has been a journey to understand a little bit more of how a person's passions communicated with a bent can be detrimental to relationships. it's really our mindful posture that opens hearts and minds. whatever you have to say to others, say it louder than your words. so, i used to be much more adamant about a lot of things. i still am, obstinately so. opinionated, some say. yet hopefully this journey of improving my listening and reflecting has bettered my posture somewhat. a little, if not much.

how is your posture in loving others? do you struggle, too? 

we can posture ourselves with our guards fully up.

we can posture our hearts to open only to those we feel safe with.

we can posture our ears to hear what we wish to hear and are comfortable with.

we can posture our minds to learn based on our preconceptions and mental framework.

or, we can posture otherwise *selah* 

to tread towards threatening territory with trepidation. (there's your tongue-twister for the day!)

how can i love with liberty, not so much out of confidence but trustingness? my posture determines this. to return to that whisper i started this post with: my posture, not so much to protect myself from getting hurt but loving others even when there are no guarantees, becomes the place where my healing finds perfecting by divine Providence, to truly understand agape in its purer form. when you correct your own posture, others may be more inclined to receive hesed. then, you can talk about mutual transformation. 

obviously, my mulling has not finished its work. 

and i'm still working on spinal correction, that's for sure.

P/S: One more thought...good posture is key to aging gracefully, too.