BECOMING THE BELOVED - 3. BROKEN

It's not how broken we are. It's how we are broken.


Each one of us are broken, there are no two ways about it. This reality is far from being a reality that we can deny or dismiss, without also denying or dismissing our own humanity. We are simply broken in unique ways. To look at a person's brokenness is to discover who that person is. In it, we discover the essence of his/her being. Nouwen writes, "...our brokenness reveals something about who we are."


That no one is exempt from a state of brokenness is humanity's shared reality. But that's where it stops. For if you can recognize that each individual's suffering and pain is indeed unique, in that it both defines and is defined by who that individual is, then we cannot say this shared reality is truly shared. How much can you truly understand of another's pain, in spite of hundreds of similarities you can find, as though you are that person going through that pain at that moment?


I've always found it hard to bring myself to say in response to a friend sharing a struggle, "I know exactly how you feel." The truth is, if a friend were to say that to me when I am going through a hard time, I doubt I would believe it, much less feel consoled in a significant way. Perhaps there is value is attempting to match someone's suffering to our own, in the hope of bridging emotional distance or what not. But to say I can know how a person feels exactly, that seems too presumptious - doesn't it?


A conversation I had with three other friends on Christmas Eve was on the issue of pain. One of them said the feelings can be numbed by keeping the mind occupied on anything other than the cause of that pain. "Just don't think about it!" Isn't that what many of us do, when we find our pain too heavy a cross to bear, when life needs to go on and we have no choice but to "move on". I can't quite articulate the sadness I felt in my heart to hear that being said, mostly because I knew how true it is. Sadly. We cover our pain over days, months, years. We ignore it. We bury it. We try to kill it. But we remain broken.


My response to that friend, although not very well-articulated, was that the reason many, many songs are so powerful is that they are expressions of encountering, contemplating and living through pain. Sometimes, deep pain. Was not the human heart created to feel? And is not brokenness the very way our hearts are tenderized? Joy is greater joy, sorrow greater sorrow, when we are broken and do not run away from it. Painkillers don't work on broken hearts. Encountering our unique brokenness - that's what brings true healing. There was a day when I was lying on my back in the Spanish village in Balboa Park (spring break roadtrip with Laura), listening to a guitarist under a tree, asking God questions from my Pandora jar of a brain. Then came one of the most stunning moments I felt God speak to me clearly - "Healing is made complete when you dare to love even when it hurts." God was calling me to wholenes that is found not by avoiding pain but by knowing He is in control amidst pain, and that I can walk through my pain assured I am never alone. Maybe no one can understand, even those who say "Oh! I understand exactly how you feel." And that's okay. 


If our brokenness is telltale of who we are, then my brokenness shouts my darkest fears. Fear of the unknown. Fear of death. Fear of being alone. Fear of people's expectations and demands. Fear of failure. Fear of success. My God! So many fears! I don't run. I don't hide. I meet Him in the secret place...He tells me I'm His Beloved. I belong to Him. I am broken but wholly surrendered...

Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken
From the album Sweetly Broken
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Chorus:

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

...Interestingly, the Pandora jar we hear of (or the more popular term "Pandora's box") speaks of hope beneath mayhem. Mayhem was released because of Pandora's curiosity, out of a jar she possessed, which were "all of the evils, ills, diseases". But "at the very bottom of her jar, there lay hope." (see Wikipedia, "Pandora's box"). Of course, you may or may not like Greek mythology. But I cannot help but delight at the thought that beneath all the mayhem of life, our hurts and pains, our trivial pursuits, our broken dreams, there lies hope in what is eternal. Hope that is greater hope - because brokenness is not our ultimate enemy. Our not knowing whose we are is what makes brokenness ruin us. So I rejoice in that hope! In all these things, "we are more than conquerors through him who loved us" (Rom 8:37).


Who we are determines how we are broken. Our becoming the Beloved transforms who we are, which in turn transforms our ashes into beauty...
Mourning into dancing...
Sorrow into joy!

Christmas pause

It's been two days since my last chapter. But it's been a good two days of Christmas. Jesus Christ, Son of God, Son of Man. How inconceivable. I shall continue to breathe in the wonderment that surrounds this season - in commemoration and celebration of when the Creator chose to be part of his creation, compelled by an unfathomable kind of love. One final week remains of this year. No, make that five days. I will that these five days be steeped in thankful remembrance and reflective planning.


With that, I shall now lay my head to rest yet another night and return to unhurried ponderance on "Brokenness" in continuation of Nouwen's Beloved.

BECOMING THE BELOVED - 1. TAKEN

So the aim was to blog a chapter a day. I usually end up blogging only at the end of my day, right before I sleep, as a reflection exercise. For some reason, the blogspot clock doesn't follow my sleep hours or when I think the day should officially end; my post tonight, for example, should show tonight's date, but blogspot would argue it's already tomorrow. Oh well...

Today I read the section Taken, the first of four parts in the chapter Becoming the Beloved. The part that kicked me (yes, I used the word "kicked") was this: to be chosen as the Beloved of God does not exclude others. Instead, it includes others. That's kinda neat. I've never quite thought of it that way. Which is great! So it was a thought to ponder on.

Do you think persons around you feel included, or out of your radar? Do people know that you know your Belovedness, and that you know theirs, too? Hmm. How does our Belovedness include others? Or rather, how does our Being and Becoming the Beloved cause others to feel accepted and belonged and secure around us? As a matter of fact, do we think it can have that effect?

Fascinating.

Instead of making others feel threatened or rejected or unworthy, my walking around just being the Beloved creates an environment for them to experience their own Belovedness while I experience mine. Isn't that awesome??! I simply enjoy the fact that I am deeply cherished and valued (makes you wonder what that looks like, doesn't it?) --- and trust that somehow that rubs off on people, 'cause they become drawn into this environment that breathes life into them so they too can respond to that deep inner voice that calls, "You are the Beloved." It's no fun to be around someone who hates him/herself and is constantly either putting him/herself down OR putting you down to make him/herself feel better. So it's almost like, picture this: you're going around living life, letting yourself be loved and giving generously and just as graciously the love you receive to those whom you encounter.

That is how we understand the word 'chosen', to be set apart and somehow shine in quality and distinctiveness.
Yet not for competition, but for compassion.
Not for exclusion of others, but inclusion.
Not for rejection of anything less than perfection, but acceptance of all that needs perfection.

So ends another night. And by my decree, this post is dated Dec 21, the first day of winter. All is calm...time to sleep.

Paradise Lost

There was a time when I felt like everything could be sussed out. That if I try hard enough, anything could be figured out. I just need to find out and do my research and all that. Of course, that belief was quickly put to rest. Or rather, it was a myth quickly dispelled. Although I don't necessarily think that way anymore, I still however believe that there's a lot we can find out if we care to try.


You see, it goes without saying that what we know more about impacts what we are concerned about. When you learn more about the injustice done to children who born into prostitution, it is hard not to feel a certain level of sadness and horror inside. One cannot help but ask "why?" or at least pause for a moment in quiet sobriety.


In the Life of the Beloved, Nouwen speaks of all human beings having "deep inner memories of paradise lost". That deep inside, we once held something that we all have lost and are now searching for. How would we crave love, if we never tasted it? How could we possibly conceive of the concept of right or wrong, if we never had a sense for it? In essence, perhaps humankind can only look for something that it has experienced before to some degree. I cannot yearn for home if I don't have the slightest idea of what home is. You cannot understand what happiness is if you had no prior contact with the notion or imagery of it. Yes, perhaps this is true.


If so, I wonder, in our empathy for others, the anger against the injustice that we hear of - how much of that is conditioned by our own experiences of how justice should be. It's unavoidable, but it's also a projection based on our perception of reality. I am in no way downplaying the importance of empathy! I am merely seeing from an angle that may show more of how the way we respond to others' troubles and hardships is very much dependent on our own experiences rather than those with whom we empathize. Because we have experienced the 'opposite', it pains us to see others go through it. Because we have known unconditional love, we cannot bear to know of a friend who thinks his or her life is a waste and is dispensable. Because we have seen the amazingness of God's grace in the giving of his Son and the forgiveness of our sins, surely it is too hard to sit and watch a loved one suffer in self-rejection and guilt and shame.


Do we each have a reclaimed slice of paradise once known to humanity that now remains non-existent in so many people's lives? Do each of us carry this slice of paradise lost that can speak to another person's deep inner memories, like a missing piece to the half-completed puzzle? Do I, being the Beloved that I am and in my journey of Becoming this Beloved, get to reclaim more and more of this paradise that we all somehow lost, and as such get to offer to others through my gift of Belovedness? If yes, that's a reason to wake up every morning with a song in my heart and a smile on my face...to think that simply in my receiving and giving love, I am part of reconstructing this paradise. One that we once knew, a very long time ago, the "deep inner memories" of which are betrayed by our inner yearnings for its very taste.


Tomorrow I shall continue with my daily reading and reflection...as Nouwen goes on to talk about Becoming the Beloved, in being TAKEN, BLESSED, BROKEN and GIVEN.

and then the Becoming.

"From the moment we claim the truth of being the Beloved, we are faced with the call to become who we are."


This statement resonates so much with what I have heard and said so many times over. It's a question of identity. A person who is of royal lineage but doesn't know it lives quite differently from another who has royal blood and knows it. That person carries himself or herself with an aura not like other people. There's just something about him/her.


Question: when you know you are Beloved, how do you carry yourself? It's one thing to know your identity. It's another to have it manifested in a tangible way. Like, it's oozes out of your life it's hard to miss. To claim the full truth of your Belovedness - would that mean that it surely shows in your daily existence? Is not Becoming the Beloved a sure part of Being the Beloved? To let this truth become "enfleshed" in all that you say, think and do, rather than it being merely a beautiful thought or a blurry imagination, doesn't it mean you're called not only to BE but to BECOME who you know you are?


Know who you are, and walk in the knowledge of that.
You're chosen.
You're royalty.
You're holy.
You're a person who belongs to God.


Into chapter 2 of Nouwen's book. I'm finding it so hard not to rush through the whole book. Letting each page sink in. It's so true! I cannot think "I'm Beloved" without responding to the call of Becoming. Yet, responding to this call is too much and takes a lifetime...but it doesn't make sense to have it any other way! Remember, I am only able to give this gift of Belovedness to others inasmuch as I have myself experienced it. It's so exciting to see someone realize he/she is so loved, I want them to really live it! And this means me, too. I am reminded today, as Nouwen provokes me, that Experiencing BEING the Beloved is not possible unless I embark on the journey of BECOMING:

• To claim my Belovedness, which demands that I enflesh all the realities of this truth from heaven to shed light on my ordinary, mundane and occasionally tiresome existence. 
• To not only say yes to it once, but over and over so that there is a sense of becoming more and more what I am in the process of grasping. Painful, long process. 
• To allow myself grace for my forgetfulness, but always return to my identity that tells me, "You are and always will be the Beloved."
  

May the engraving of this identity never end! The more I live it out, the more I know what it really should look like.

You are the Beloved

It is now the holiday break before Fuller's winter quarter begins. Reading Nouwen's Life of the Beloved. What a joy to spend this time of year reflecting on this truth - a truth that is no less profound as it is simple.

BEING THE BELOVED is how this gift from Nouwen begins, a response to a request from his friend that he speaks of this God he so loves from his heart in terms anyone can understand. And I am captured by the weight of all that he wants to say to this friend: You are the Beloved. To be heard with all the tenderness and force that love can hold, the words that ought to reverberate "in every corner" of our beings - we are the Beloved. I struggle to imagine that this is something anyone can understand, if you can grasp the irony of this truth. It is so often far beyond what we can comprehend or dare believe.

Are we? The Beloved, you say?

Every corner of our beings is stricken with an unshakeable need to be loved, a need so deprived even by ourselves. Deprivation, starvation, malnourishment. We're constantly feeding on the prove-yourself-worthy diet because what we see when we look at our reflection is "I'm never good enough, beautiful enough, loveable enough, capable enough, strong enough." Everything we do that brings no satisfaction we seem to keep doing as though we can find fulfillment when we try often and try hard. Isn't it so true that beneath it all, our facade, our facemasks, we cover something so subtle and pervasive we cannot recognize it? Self-rejection in all its darkened glory, staring us in the face. Staring that comes from the eyes of those from whom we feel disapproval, disappointment, discontentment. Whether it is truly them or the self-condescending, self-deprecating voice within ourselves.

This is something so basic that really hit me as I read on: I could be an arrogant prick or someone you label as having low self-esteem - both are only indicators of what truly lies beneath. Self-rejection. How so? It manifests itself in both ways, doesn't it? We often say that pride, greed, popularity, fame, lust, or power are  problems we must deal with. But how are these seductive to one who has no need to prove him or herself worthy? Are these not trappings for the one who thinks these are solutions for the inadequacy he/she feels? So we put ourselves higher than others so people cannot see how we really are inside. Or we put ourselves so low people cannot criticize us anymore than we already do ourselves. We run from that whisper to know we are Beloved. We don't hear it amidst our self-creation, self-dependence, self-sufficiency. Self-protection. But it's really self-rejection. We reject that we can just be who we are, no more and no less.

For today, this chapter suffices. Something our malnourished beings need to chew on and digest, that is far more enriching than that diet of unworthiness we feed ourselves: You are the Beloved. Regardless of your success or failure, your past or present. A Belovedness that began even before you were born, to be perfected for eternity when death's final blow beseeches you home to your Belover. And I love the way Nouwen phrases it for our practice, that our giving to each other the gift of our Belovedness is what we should be about. Inasmuch as I have been able to claim this Belovedness for myself only am I able to give that gift to others. I definitely need to practice this...so help me, God.

Safe in Your Arms - A Reflection

'Cause nothing can move me
The mountains crumble at your feet
I'm safe in your arms
In your arms

This stanza is from a song by an amazing worship leader whom I love. For a long time, I had liked it - something about it always moves my heart. This morning as I huddled with my guitar in the warmth of my lil' room, with my windows all fogged up from the cold, wet air outside, I sang it again like so many other times - but I felt something different.

The mountains crumble at your feet...

You know, reflection is a tricky thing. Think 'mirror'. Without light, you can hardly see anything. You need a source of light somewhere near you. Near enough to have light rays bounce off the glass surface, like a prism, and colors come in to play. Or imagine a desk lamp right next to your laptop in front of you, adjustable for wherever you want more light to fall. On your notes. On your keyboard. On your book.

But have you ever pointed a spotlight right into a mirror? It gets too strong you have to turn away. Just a bit of light, and you get enough illumination in the darkness. Too much light, and you have to turn away 'cause it hurts to look into it.

So I reflect.

I like light. I like being able to see. I like illumination at the right spots, and beauty that comes from sparkles, glitter and brilliance. I like painting with light - photography. I like the dance that a candle flame does when a slight breeze slips in to its space. Question: does light ever fall on the wrong places? We may not like what it reveals or illuminates...

I reflect this morning on the fact that what I consider "mountains" in life - they can crumble. In fact, they don't just crumble, but they crumble at the feet of my Mountain-Maker. It hurts as I step into the light of this truth. Because what becomes highlighted is my self-reliance and independence and prayerlessness. I move from the shadows into the spotlight of truth. It feels almost unbearable to come to terms with our humanness sometimes (or should I speak only for myself, and say 'my humanness'?) I'm faced with this realization that I've been wanting mountains to crumble at MY feet, not Yours, Lord. They're not even MY mountains, so how dare I? At that, I turn away, afraid to look. My eyes squint in a pained frown, because my heart still faces You, though my eyes are turned away. God, Your truth drowns my heart in too bright a light, yet it refuses to blink.

'Cause nothing can move me

Sometimes, in moments like this, I squeeze my eyes shut and cover my lips. What can be said? What can be prayed? Except...it is in verbal silence, where the heart remains unsilenced, the unspoken is unspoken no more. And I ask without words, "Would You have the mountains crumble at Your dear feet, my Lord? I cannot have it any other way, or I would die trying."

I want to KNOW I'm safe in the arms of my Maker.
Though I know, I want to KNOW.
Not only shall my ears hear of You Let my eyes see You also.
The eyes of my heart.
The eyes of my heart.
The eyes of my heart that refuse to be blinded by Your light.

Reflection, with You, is undeniable beauty,
I want my independence, God, to flee;
Today I come and fall at Your feet,
Where me and these mountains meet.
May Your brilliance crumble them all,
Let them crumble, Lord, let them fall.
Oh, but though I too crumble, let me remain humbled, chided,
In Your arms where I am sheltered, forever carried.

I'm safe in Your arms
Safe in Your arms...

Does God snicker?

We may not often catch ourselves thinking this, a common but subtle perception of God: He doesn't really care when I make any wrong decisions. To him, what will be, will be. When I seek guidance, he gives some clues, but once I make a decision he has no qualms of letting me go through the consequences of that decision by myself, left to my own devices.

There are more than one thing I am pondering about this perception:

1) The idea of wrong decisions sometimes cause us to live under a cloud of fear and doubt. Oh my gosh! Made a wrong move. It's doom and gloom from hereon. There's no remedy, I'm finished. Shame on me! My future's ruined. Why am I not holy enough? Why did I not pray enough? How come I can't seem to put my finger on his perfect will?

2) What will be, will be? I've always hated that song Que Sera Sera (yes, I know, 'hate' is a very strong word). Did God let Joseph have a life of 'what will be will be'? Let nature run its course? At which point did God choose to turn his brothers' evil meant to harm him for good, from which he ended up saving not only his own family, but an entire nation, from famine? The bottomline is that God showed up! Then there's Esther, David, Jacob, Abraham - who all found that the dreams they lost to failure and/or foolishness were redeemed in the place of recognizing God is a purposeful and sovereign God who can work things out for good.

3) We're super-scared when stakes are high. Small decisions deceive us into a sort of complacency in how we ask for counsel. But big ones? Ooh...scaweeeee. God, help! I suppose it's true, yes, that certain decisions are not as critical as others. Either way, though, would you say that you and God can make both big AND small decisions together? Sure. Perhaps the fear of making a wrong decision is, by our categories, greater with bigger decisions. I think whatever type of decision ought to be a partnership between you, God, and others who give wise counsel. And the imagery of how one discerns the most right decision is not some mystical, pie-in-the-sky type thing, confirmed with an audible voice (although that is not difficult at all when you involve God in the process). Any decision is a partnership decision - all things concern God and what he means to you.

4) In thinking that God leaves us to our decisions, especially when you are in even the slightest doubt that you may not have 'heard' or sensed rightly, there is a sense of abandonment. What a cage in our minds! But perhaps you do this without realizing? Like our parents, leaders or friends, we feel like God says to us about our decisions, "well, you made your bed, so you lie in it." You deserve it. You chose the path, so what happens as a result you have only yourself to blame. Or that person whose advice you wanted to take. Or that incident you selected to be classified as a confirmation. I can't help but picture Jacob, whom God wrestled with all night through. It's almost like, "Jacob, I wanna be involved in your life more than you know. I want you to know my purposes for your life and those you love cannot be thwarted. I am here to make sure that you know it is within my power to show up in your life, In fact, I'll leave you with a limp just so you never forget - I've got your back."

So maybe my pondering today leads me to interpret Jacob's experience this way: God does care whenever you make any decision. You may think your decisions are not always the most right ones, but he always - ALWAYS - goes through the consequences of your decisions WITH you, i.e. he does not snicker at you from afar and maybe stretch out a hand only when you yell for help. You are not left to your own devices (thank God!), or you would have long ceased to exist.

To take it further, maybe what we think is right or wrong in terms of a decision isn't the same as how God thinks. In our moments of seeking resolution or direction, no concern, however valid, ought to cloud your trust that He has got your back. Whatever you decide, he will never leave you nor forsake you. He is always near, an ever-present help. He enjoys you. He rejoices in your decisions every time, when your heart intended to hear and obey him. Perhaps it is safe to say, in this context, that there cannot be a 'wrong' decision because your heart was right at that point of decision. Perhaps it is safe to say, thus, that you cannot fail, you can't possible fail! In fact, you will succeed 100%, not because you are the most awesome decision-maker in the whole wide world (who is?!) but that you are the most childlike in faith and desperately reliant on him to help you go through life.

Stop for a moment on the phrase 'you have only yourself to blame". What does that mean? Do you blame yourself when you encounter difficulty following your decision? But do you take credit when a decision goes so well that everything seems to 'fall' into place? Maybe by believing that when something goes wrong it's all your fault means that when something goes well you think all credit should go to you. Would it not be true that thankfulness is due, NO MATTER HOW life turns out? Worship is due. Glory to God is due.

In the quiet, in the stillness I know that you are God.
In the secret of your presence I know there I am restored...
...in the chaos, in confusion I know you're sovereign still.
In the moment of my weakness you give me grace to do your will...
...now I live to bring you praise...all my delight is in you Lord...

P/S: So, does God snicker?

You, Lord.

It has been a little over a year since I first packed my bags and left home, where I was born and raised all of my 20+years of life. To say that a lot has happened in this one year is to state the obvious. Anyone who has ever 'left home' would attest to that. I cannot begin to describe the depth from which this statement arises. For everyone, I'm sure, time away equals major change...and each of us have our own story. 

There are many beliefs I held before that I now still hold with strong conviction. There are, at the same time, too many other beliefs I held before that I now either hold loosely, or have chosen to let go of (until it is time to review it, if ever). I'd like to think that this happens to each of us all the time, but we know there are specific seasons in which this experience is intensified. At times, it happens by one's choice, e.g. a deliberate step to pursue training in a different location. At other times, one finds oneself cornered - we can say - by the Almighty, e.g. sudden illness, or global economic crisis. Of course, the human role cannot be removed from circumstances. and our appropriate response can determine the fruit of life's circumstances. 

So, really, as cliché as it sounds - a lot has happened in this one year. It has been one, drawn-out year of His curriculum. It would be premature to articulate lessons learned at this point, as though the learning is near conclusion. I would not dare to attempt that. I suspect, with much sobriety, that the unfolding of His learning objectives for me from this year's curriculum will come only after many years. Maybe a decade or two. That isn't to say there are no pieces of truth now. Like morsels of food. "But you ain't seen nothing yet..." Yes, yes, there is more to come, as long as we're alive! Every day of our lives is a part of our journey of learning life and love, some days feel longer than most. Some seasons are just more intensely introspective, wouldn't you agree? Maybe you understand? It has been one such year, vacillating between "I think I get it" and "What are You trying to say", between "God has been teaching me this" and "That wasn't quite it". No, I ain't seen nothing yet.

Perhaps it is safe to say there are overarching themes of this curriculum that I think I'm beginning to grasp. Not without pain, not without patience (surely not my strength). Moments when silence spoke louder than words, moments when His whispered reply deafened my ears. When I had to lean in to hear, only to discover the amplifier was right behind me. 

I was deaf but now I hear? 

I was blind, do I now dare see? 

Surely I was lost, but now am being found. 

Would it be blasphemous to say that I have found everything I held dear to be wanting, that only in discarding what I know, the distance between the attained and the yet-to-be-attained can be eliminated? To say that those who hold too unrelentingly to what they deem absolute to them do not know what truly is absolute for others? To say that everything I used to know I now find I know nothing of? But I rejoice in this 'blasphemous' statement, then, for that is how this year has been; I have been utterly taken apart, exposed, made vulnerable --- and it has been...strangely liberating. 

All that to say, it has been one heck of a year. A place of pain and turmoil. But such liberation - in healing, in restoration. Such grace! In having sought to posture myself like Mary and her alabaster jar, a year later I do not emerge any less prostrated. Nor any less depraved. Nor any less ill-reputed. Nor any less despised or weak. Nor any less incapable, in and of myself. If anything, perhaps more desperate than before. Over the days and months, I see, still, the same picture. Mary and her jar, stooping low, doing the unthinkable --- approaching the Master in her shameful disposition with her only possession, at the scorn of her enemies. What was she thinking??? The nerve. 

A lot has happened. Janice, what were you thinking? The nerve. 

You have no idea, friend. It did not cost me nothing. 

As vain as others may deem it, I encountered my Master. 

To these, yet, I will cling:

"The Lord is close to those whose hearts have been broken. He saves those whose spirits have been crushed." - Ps 34:18

"I have chosen to be faithful to you. I put my trust in your laws. Lord, I'm careful to obey your covenant laws. Don't let me be put to shame. I am quick to follow your commands, because you have set my heart free." - Psalm 119:30-32

"I will praise the Lord. I won't forget anything he does for me...He satisfies me with the good things I long for. Then I feel young and strong again, just like an eagle." - Psalm 103:2, 5

"Find your delight in the Lord. Then he will give you everything your heart really wants." - Psalm 37:4

"I will thank the Lord at all times. My lips will always praise him.

I will honor the Lord. Let those who are hurting hear and be joyful.

Join me in giving glory to the Lord. Let us honor him together.

I looked to the Lord, and he answered me. He saved me from everything I was afraid of. 

Those who look to him beam with joy. They are never put to shame...

The lions may grow weak and hungry. But those who look to the Lord have every good thing they need." - Psalm 34:1-5, 10

You, Lord

You are Lord.

Summer Stretch

(Taken from my latest newsletter, to see the full version of this update click here.)

As of last week, Spring quarter at Fuller officially ended. It was by far the toughest quarter for me. A few more quarters to go! For now I'm glad that it's summer break. With summer approaching, LA gets warmer, but the proverbial June gloom kicked in two weeks before I left which was not fun. Now, I am in Hong Kong city (panorama photo above), the land of many 'Wan's - where the sun hides behind the clouds but the air is densely hot, hot, hot!

AFF

Antioch Forerunner Foundation is a summer missions program focused on training students and graduates to reach nations particularly along the Silk Road back to Jerusalem. This summer we are having it in three locations: Kansas City (July 1-31), Hong Kong (June 16-July 22) and Taiwan (July 26-Aug 23). The exciting thing is that we see God bringing together people from different nations with a common passion for a missional lifestyle, and a heart for prayer and intimacy with the Father. 

With a unique thrust for each of these three locations, we are expecting God to further His mission by doing a deep work in each trainee; in Hong Kong - the Gateway City - the thrust is MARKETPLACE. How can they live out a missional lifestyle once they graduate, when they enter into a totally new environment that may not be as 'easy' a field as the campus? That is what AFF HK is about...

After AFF, our team will join Gateway Camp - a multicultural worship & intercession camp for people from many nations to be joined in destiny to partner with families and missions opportunities throughout China, HK and the nations beyond. 

On a personal note, besides AFF and HK, I ask for your prayer for:

1. Family in Kota Kinabalu: Divine provision for my parents and sister, and health in every aspect of their being and relationships.
2. Study: I will begin a distance-learning course for 10 weeks, starting next week. Please pray for healthy body, mind and spirit, and for focused diligence as I study while traveling. 
   
3. Travel: Most importantly, that God would make me a blessing wherever I go, at the sound of his voice which I hope to obey faithfully. 

(end of excerpt)

Hope I can post more often this summer. It HAS been a little quiet here.... but it's gonna be an exciting summer, fosho!!!

an·tic·i·pa·tive

The word anticipative is quite a likeable word.

Anticipative\An*tic"i*pa*tive\, a.
Anticipating, or containing anticipation. ``Anticipative of the feast to come.'' --Cary. -- An*tic"i*pa*tive*ly, adv. 
Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)

Been pondering on two phrases that led me to be anticipative:
1) Grace-fueled hope
2) Faith-filled obedience

Hope fills our hearts with a desire to see what could not be actually come to BE. An opening up of horizons to Providential possibilities of a reality outside of our grey, bleak boxes labelled "Mundane lives". Hope pushes boundaries of self, is not subject to the rhyme or reason of our binary existence, and redraws the perimeters of our vista which is otherwise void of the supernatural. God's grace makes hope possible. For without grace, what hope could we have? What hope could you and I cling on to, that sets our face like flint to the treacherous journey before us, anticipating despite the bleary surroundings a sweet eternal ending? Without grace, there is NO hope. Thus, would you not say that any sense of hope is to be attributed to grace given us undeservingly and not dependent at ALL on whether we can make things happen the way we want? So, we hope - and that hope is realized because God fuels it with HIS grace, outside of our resources and ability to see too far into the future or to turn the wheels to our own advantage. Because of God's grace, we can have hope and live out hope.

To live out that hope, then, demands of us a response. An obedient response, in fact. How come? Think of a dream you hope would come true. Then think what it requires of you to live that out. Realities, of course, are not ours to create. It is not that you can make an alternate reality because you simply hope so and it just happens. But if we think about it, when your heart is filled with a living hope, a hope that has vision, drive, passion, and excitement (albeit apprehensive at some moments), you cannot help but respond with a resolve not to jeopardize that hope - not if you can help it. 
We do the things we otherwise cannot do.
We don't do the things we otherwise do.
All so that our obedience moves us along that grace-fueled hope. We obey what it takes, because that which we hope for is worth our obedience. But...this takes faith. Obedience without faith is no obedience. Obedience with faith, now THAT'S what moves mountains. More importantly, it moves you and moves God's heart. Thus, a devotion of heart and a diligence of mind emerges: I fully submit to this hope I now have by grace, let me consider what it requires of me and obey it by faith.

GRACE ENABLES HOPE THAT DEMANDS OF US OUR OBEDIENCE BY FAITH.

What do you hope for today?
Of what are you anticipative?
And how can you exercise faith in your obedience towards this hope?

IS...THE

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
—John 14:6

Just think: That little article 'the'? Without it, John 14:6 contains nothing significant.
But with that 'the'? Way, Truth, and Life takes on a completely different meaning.

Today, though, I am pondering on the 'is'.

We find oxygen in the stirrings of our hearts. When you engage in an act that breeds passion deep inside, like painting your thoughts or cooking a meal for someone dear. We catch a breath of fresh air, right there. Aah... Sadly, exceptional are the moments when your heart is arrested by a little girl's smile or the tug of a jazz song from that cafe by the corner. You stop to breathe? Or do you not stop enough? 

Perhaps you're one of the millions who hyperventilate through life. Barely getting enough air. We easily recognize how suffocating it feels to imagine a 'the' life, but we can't deny it IS THE best way to live. How do we walk in the Way, embrace the Truth, and live the Life with every breath? When we acknowledge Christ's claim, we have placed our lives in His hands once and for all. There is no more normal life, no more making the mundane from day to day. 

Why is Jesus 'the' ___ ? It's not:

Going to church = the Way.

Reading the bible = the Truth.

Doing good works = the Life.

Jesus is a person. He's THE One.

Him being Him makes you a BEloved.

Not just what he does/did/will do, it's who he is. That's what rocks your world.

He IS the Way. 

He IS the Truth.

He IS the Life.

In who He is, you breathe.

You breathe in who He is :)

He is the Way. Follow Him through the Land of Unlikeness; You will see rare beasts, and have unique adventures.
He is the Truth. See Him in the Kingdom of Anxiety; You will come to a great city that has expected your return for years.
He is Life. Love Him in the World of the Flesh; And at your marriage all of its occasions shall dance for joy.
~ Taken from Tim Hansel's You Gotta Keep Dancin'

May there be fresh air for you today, dear friends. And if you catch me blue in the face, remind me to inhale.

Heat + No internet = Studiousness

I thought to myself today: What reasons do people have to be in the library when it's 97F outside on a beautiful Tuesday? And:
1) Faulty internet at home.
2) Absence of interlinear NT.
3) Where else but AC-permeated Hubbard in this heat?
4) Wait for friends to get out of class to meet at the Elbow to head for life-changing Indonesian food.
5) Accumulate 'coolness' before the sweltering walk home.
6) All of the above.
7) Do blogposts like this while appearing studious. Very studious.

Enjoying:
1) Issues in Christian Mission History class: a-mazing stuff to learn from Xavier, Ricci, Valignano!
2) The fact that Bollywood celebrities are like deities in their society.
3) Sweatglands that did not forget how to function.
4) Ideas for the Lonely International Students Party, aka The Lisp. What, you too?
5) Paul the apostle is sarcastic with finesse - a tad too sarcastic?
6) A vision of century-egg with ramen noodles topped with golden-brown chopped garlic, a layer of kim, thinly-sliced chicken fillet and boiled carrots. Oh! Plus some sambal.
7) That you're reading this, possibly because you're indoors somewhere, looking studious. Very studious.

Obstinately obedient Today.

There is a need to shake off the dust of complacency and contentment. 

A burning of bridges, a breaking of bondages. 

A putting of hands to the plough, with no looking back. 

A breaking of alabaster jars that cannot be restored or replaced.

A giving up of reputation and security for others' eternity.

For every place and every people, God is raising up his Jeremiahs that will stand in obstinate obedience. Those who would each day enter in to prayer to understand what breaks his heart and even bind their own hearts to his so that they break along with his. 

That in the place of prayer comes forth golden prophetic voices, because they are forged in the furnace of yieldedness and brokenness. 

"God, that you would take my life if it would save this nation!" Those are the intercessors God is calling forth. And they are rising up. 

He is not blowing the trumpet. 

We are blowing it on his behalf. 

Jeremiahs, arise! Let a time of mourning precede the coming rejoicing.

Harvest is ripening, but his children are forgetting.

Not to us, O Lord, not to us!

He says, "I am preparing you for the harvest,

not tomorrow, not yesterday. It's Today!"

Would you enter into that place? 

Would you hear the Jeremiah call? 

Would you stand for the truth as you kneel for his mercy?

Would you wield the sickle and the trumpet, both in your hands?

Forge on, God, forge on we ask

Let your golden voices arise 

Across the lands, over the sea

Every inch covered with your holy glory

He is fueling the furnace, fanning the flames

He's setting hearts ablaze, and bellies on fire

These will be men and women who would ask, "Who am I? They won't listen to me."

And He will say, "Even if they won't listen, what is that to you?"

Go!

Pass through, pass through the gates!

Prepare the way for the people.

Build up, build up the highway!

Remove the stones.

Raise a banner for the nations.

I know what it's like to feel the strong burden of the Lord and shy away from it. I know many people like that. It's painful to bear and costly to walk out. I also know that in our lives prone to mundaneness and wanderings, there is a yearning that comes out of a deep, deep place - you don't look for destiny; Destiny finds you. God is calling for those who would live out of the box, beyond themselves. Totally dependent, totally desperate. We pray that many more would be obstinately obedient to that yearning - be the prophetic message others need to hear. Choose to be that Today.

Here am I

This Is True Life
Justin Rizzo

Oh the peace of pure abandon

Oh the joy of sweet surrender

‘Cause if I try and save my life I will lose it (This is true life)
But if I lose my life for your sake I’ll find it in the end (Give it all the way)

I have to give you everything
And then the yoke is easy
I have to give you everything
And then the burden is so light

And oh the peace of pure abandon
And oh the joy of sweet surrender

Life (happy holiness) is found in the letting go (joyful righteousness)
Joy (happy holiness) is found in the tearing of the heart (as I give it all away)

Your joy, your peace is found

God, everything about you is good and true. Who you are, what you do, everything about you - it's all good, it's all true. I don't want to live for myself while I promise to die for you. To be willing to die for you and your Kingdom's cause means also to live for your namesake, to live for those who bear your image. I've given up a normal life a long time ago, you know that, Lord. Even in the dark recesses of my heart, Spirit, you remind me over and over again...I can't forget. The broken pieces of the jar I crushed in the days past now lie on the ground still, next to my crown; the light of your truth is letting me see them in the shadows. Darkness looms, God, do you see the pieces? Has the nard lost its fragrance on you, and the purity of my vow long gone? No, Lord, I seek true life. If I had another jar, I'd do the same with it! God, but would you require another jar? Joy for your beloved, Lord, was your promise - I refuse to settle. Anything but normal! Oh, that I could preserve the fragrance lavished on you with sweetness that comes from constant and faithful surrender, the tearing of my heart. You know I would. That my state of brokenness marries the bliss of knowing you know me and I know you.

Yes, Lord, and amen.

(Take My Life - Chris Tomlin)
Here am I, all of me
Take my life, it's all for Thee

('David', Beyond Words musical by IFGF)
Many people are willing to give up their lives for people they love, but how many are willing to live for them?

(For This Cause - Hillsong)
I'm living for this cause
I lay down my life into your hands
I'm living for the truth
The hope of the world, in you I'll stand
'Cause all I want is you

May this be the anthem of my heart, as I walk here into eternity for your Kingdom's cause that sets others free as I bind myself to our covenant.

"I delight greatly in the LORD;

my soul rejoices in my God.

For he has clothed me with garments of salvation

and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,

as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,

and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

For as the soil makes the sprout come up

and a garden causes seeds to grow,

so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise

spring up before all nations."

~ Isaiah 61:10-11

The "posture" for healing

"Healing is found when you dare to love even when you're not ready to hurt."

i heard God whisper this to me when i was lying on my back 4 days ago, in balboa park (san diego) listening to a spanish guitarist 7 feet away. it was a divine moment; my eyes widened in silent, tearful awe. "I AM your Balm," says the Whisperer. 

"Really?"

to extend love although your heart may be filled with trepidation. 

scared of being disappointed, dropped, defamed, disadvantaged.

john mayer calls it "dreaming with a broken heart..."

and waking up is the hardest part.

so, what constitutes 'waking up'? 

if one has no expectations towards others' responses to one's extension of love, does one 'wake up'? no expectations to how others would be for the better as a result of that extension, no expectations to how others reciprocate. expectations, nonetheless, realistic or not. 

admittedly, i cannot imagine having no expectations when i demonstrate love, albeit the best way i understand it, however lacking in its totality and depth. we reach out in the hope that we are meaningfully impacting peoples' lives, and that we find ourselves refreshed in the process to keep giving. and giving. we call it 'mutual'. 

but expectations are trappings of our ability to love in a sustained, transformational way. because expectations have deadlines. and preset notions. don't you think so? 

and reciprocity? possibly overrated. so we become self-absorbed, and think "i need to heal first before i can give." but could it be that healing doesn't happen that way? that it is found in the process of embracing vulnerability at the expense of self-preservation?

in one of the books i'm reading, posture is highlighted in a most profound way. i love the insight. in retrospect, this past year has been a journey to understand a little bit more of how a person's passions communicated with a bent can be detrimental to relationships. it's really our mindful posture that opens hearts and minds. whatever you have to say to others, say it louder than your words. so, i used to be much more adamant about a lot of things. i still am, obstinately so. opinionated, some say. yet hopefully this journey of improving my listening and reflecting has bettered my posture somewhat. a little, if not much.

how is your posture in loving others? do you struggle, too? 

we can posture ourselves with our guards fully up.

we can posture our hearts to open only to those we feel safe with.

we can posture our ears to hear what we wish to hear and are comfortable with.

we can posture our minds to learn based on our preconceptions and mental framework.

or, we can posture otherwise *selah* 

to tread towards threatening territory with trepidation. (there's your tongue-twister for the day!)

how can i love with liberty, not so much out of confidence but trustingness? my posture determines this. to return to that whisper i started this post with: my posture, not so much to protect myself from getting hurt but loving others even when there are no guarantees, becomes the place where my healing finds perfecting by divine Providence, to truly understand agape in its purer form. when you correct your own posture, others may be more inclined to receive hesed. then, you can talk about mutual transformation. 

obviously, my mulling has not finished its work. 

and i'm still working on spinal correction, that's for sure.

P/S: One more thought...good posture is key to aging gracefully, too. 

He calls me 'angel'.

He calls me 'angel'.
My heart stops.
And I hold my breath.

You see, one of my friends is in the hospital. Struck by a sudden illness. Taken by surprise.
"Oh, you can come by this afternoon. We'll expect you."
We went to see him today, it was what made my day.
"It's good to see you guys. Thanks for coming."
He sat in his chair, in the corner, frail yet beckoning.
"We sometimes wonder why we go through the things we do, don't we?"
He spoke softly. His eyes teared up, it pained to watch. There we stood in our discomfort. I was glad we went.
"I asked God why this is happening."
His wife looked over from the side of the bed, as his voice trailed on...
"How can I make sense of all this?"
He shifted his stare, towards each of his guests. 
"Surely pain has divine purpose."
I agreed, but I was not the one sitting on his chair. Heartfelt, sincere - he shared his heart. His loved ones. His concern, his ultimate burden.
"Then I thought of those I know who need reconciliation. I said to God, "If this is what it takes, make it worthwhile, Lord"."
At his words, I ached. I sang to him. We prayed. So did he. It was numbing. 
"We listen in our sorrow for that whisper in the wind. It's louder than you think."
We stood in awe. Of life, of friends, of God. Presence filled the room. I wonder who's more blessed. Me, or the one sitting on a chair?
"You are angels, His ministering angels."

He called me 'angel'. Unbelievable.
So tonight I reflect, with a deep incision in my heart. O, that all pain experienced leads us into an inexchangeable, solid brokenness in our spirits that brings others to repentance and reconciliation.
Pain that drives the nail all the way through, and shatters our wrist bones of self-sufficiency and pride.
Pain that pins us to the cursed tree, in hope of life ransomed by each drop of blood.
Pain that locks our bodies in the darkness of the tomb for the rags of our filth, the filth of our mortality, to be exchanged for eternal glory.
Pain that takes the path of forgiveness, three times asking "Do you?", ever patient, never forsaking or condemning, but always restoring.
Pain that walks with the ordinary & untrained down the road of Emmaus, preferring calloused feet than calloused hearts.
Who do you think of that went through all that pain? And what shall we grasp loosely, so that we can trust fully, even in our pain? Not the people we love. Or is it?
Reconciliation = people. Pain should involve people. 

Our lives are to ignite others.

Job-times, to unite brothers.

Kindness, to impart grace. 

Suffering, to include those needing embrace.

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.

And when we forget, send angels to remind us, again and again. 

In the form of a stranger in disguise, sitting in a chair.

Here In My Home

Where diversity and unity is possible = Where God is.

(image taken from www.malaysianinsider.com on March 11, 2009)

Malaysians from all walks of life passing in front of a billboard showing Malaysia's ethnic diversity in downtown Kuala Lumpur. A new RM60 billion stimulus package announced by Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Abdul Razak is targeted at weathering the world's economic storm and cushioning the blow that will be felt by ordinary Malaysians. (Read more...) – AP pic

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause

As I walked from earth into eternity

Hosanna...Lord. Here in my home.

Listening...

A life lived listening to the decisive call of God is a life lived before one audience that trumps all others - the Audience of One. - Os Guinness

Listening.

Reflecting.

Two of the most important lifeskills I have had to learn much about. Why?

Because they act as the tracks on which a train chugs forward to where it is to go.

As in, life as a train.

I cannot fathom how to hold on to God's 'decisive call' if I cannot recall a single decisive moment in which God had taken hold of my heart, and fully. Woe, if that is true.

I cannot imagine the overwhelming sense of bewilderment I should experience if I had never listened to the orchestra that has played since as far back as I can remember, of different but distinct sounds taking place at varying tempos and trajectories over the years and months, highs and lows, but all for one symphony. It's like a note that was played last week merging with a note strummed last decade, both to find harmony with a 3rd note that is to be plucked 5 years from now. Sounds that reverberate, transcendent in time and space. If your life was one song, your days are pages of its eternal, hyperlinked, virtual score, to be completed one note at a time but not in neatly sequenced lines in time. Can you picture it???

And if you picture yourself walking through a desert trail, your insides screaming for hydration - any kind! Cast a look behind you and see all that which appear randomly strewn across the landscape of your past like pebbles on the desert ground, no conceivable pattern to the human eye but from the eagle's perch, ahh... a formation of beauty - a life well lived. If I suffer no thirst for oasis, would I stop and look around me - reflect, listen?

Backdrops to a theatre play change like scenes in a modern-day Korean drama. One minute blissful and jovial, the next ominous and sinister. Twists in the plot too dark, you say? Oh, but is it not that for which you paid? Shall we not say performance is part of life, if life is to be lived as to an audience (even) of One? Forget auditions. Forget safety nets. Forget fake knives and cushioned plunges. Forget blank bullets, artificial airguns and packed ketchup-pellets. The real thing takes real risk. When you watch something that deeply moves you, moves you to your very core, would you break the spell with words so deficient you would rather not speak too soon? Suspense. Shh! Don't talk now, pay attention to the heroine.

Do you not hear the breathing of the One sitting, engaging, watching in the shadows of His seat? You can't see his face, but you KNOW he's there. Sometimes from where you stand, you sense his movement, even the thickness of his emotions. 

Are you listening for shouts you want to hear, applauds maybe? Bravo! Encore! Fantastique!

Yet...silence. 

Was it good?

Hear a pin drop.

Did he like it?

Curtain!

Will he stand to his feet, and break the deafening silence with his claps of joy and a smile that says it all?

"No one could've played that role any better than you!"

"Oh, you were magnificent."

"Absolutely captivating performance."

"I don't think anybody can top that!"

Really? *smile*

All that was JUST for you, my Lord.

The only One who came to my show.

Not meant to be replayed or recorded.

I performed my best, flaws included.

Oh, your smile at the finale speaks louder than words in between!!!

It was all worth it, my audience of One.

If you only knew

If you only knew,

The scribbles on the wall

Drawn with a thought so small;

I chant, I recant,

Ever so distracted,

But never too demented;

If looks could kill,

My heart has died,

Flipped over, dried,

Propped up on the side,

Overlooked, stepped aside;

Droning, rezoning,

Mindlessly toning;

Scribbles are confusing,

But the only way to being;

When the time isn't right,

Guard your heart real tight;

No one can hear,

But it's all on the wall,

Read, chant,

Do you even know? 

Sound of brown leaves,

She breathes,

Nails on the hood,

He broods;

What are you writing?

I can't read.

If you only knew.

If you only knew.

But by the...

    GRACE

OF

  GOD

    .

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.

Who's the Guilty One???

"Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!" (Mt 27:40)

"...come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him." (42)

"come down from the cross and save yourself!" (Mk 15:30)

"...come down now from the cross, that we may see and believe." (32)

"...let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One." (Lk 23:35)

You know what? The Chosen One chose me. And you. Each of us who have gone astray. 

Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin." (Jn 19:11, emphasis mine)

The question I am ruined by is: Who is that one who handed him over to be crucified? 

Pilate? 

The Jews? 

Judas the betrayer? 

Peter the denier? 

Us the sinners? 

Satan the accuser? 

Or God the Father Himself?

That power given from above. Surely no one has that authority other than God Himself? The one who "handed me over to you"? And..."guilty of a greater sin"??!

I hope my following proposal would not convey blasphemy to the extent of preventing you (the reader) from identifying with what I'm truly wrestling with as I ponder on this. Bear with me: I propose that God's greatest 'sin' was loving me so much that he handed Jesus over to be crucified. That he chose to withhold nothing less than the worst possible, to make available for my choosing the best possible. That he resolutely surrendered, at all costs. A scandalous love so extravagant, a sin so great yet he was willing to commit --- it shames me to consider it!

Oh, for this blasphemous wonderment my heart is wrecked. 

Made himself nothing. Humbled himself. Obedient to death - even death on a cross! How can I respond with anything less than all of me? How can I, for that matter, live my life following Christ with mediocrity rather than resolute giving up of any attempts to 'save yourself' for immediate gains? 

I CHOOSE HIM, KING JESUS, MY GOD AND SAVIOR.

I, the worst choice conceivable, choose he who chose me over himself.

I choose You.

And for this 'sin', I am willing to be guilty of for the rest of my life.

A Response Fit For a Queen

"And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

I wonder if these words rocked Esther's world.

We know it changed the course of her destiny. In fact, the lives of her people were spared because of her response to these words.

Imagine if she responded differently. 

I read Esther's story, and I see glimpses of huge destiny lessons to be learnt:

2:12 -> Preparation is key. The outcome is uncertain, the competition extreme, therefore spare nothing but give it the best you've got. It takes a drawn-out process to "become". The preparation takes longer than that anticipated moment of victory, but still very necessary. So, be extravagant in training. No shortcuts. 

2:15 -> Trust God's favor to work wonders. You've gone through the process of preparation, so when God says you're ready you are. Trying to impress people by bringing more than required would be a bad idea. Leave behind what isn't needed, take only what Holy Spirit says to take. Less is more.

2:16 -> There's no better timing than divine timing. When the hands of the clock (as a figure of speech, of course) are rightly positioned, the fullness of time has come. Completeness. Perfection. And only God knows exactly when. Be aware of timing and on the lookout for His appointed times. 

2:17 -> Don't underestimate people. Sometimes those we never expected to "turn out well" do. The quiet, unassuming ones. The wallflowers. The plain-faced ones. The backbenchers. With the right ingredients, i.e. preparation + God's favor + divine timing, you would be surprised!

2:18 -> Watch and learn. For the king to give a great banquet for Esther was a culturally significant gesture, particularly with those he invited to join at table to share their meal. He was making a statement. Esther would later prepare two  banquets for the king and her enemy Haman (5:4, 8). She interpreted the culture, and was intentional in communication.

Been pondering on our identity as kings and priests (1 Pet 2:9-10). Heard a powerfully whispered message recently by Bob Sorge that highlighted Esther's banquets to me. She prepared two banquets, knowing full well that she would invite both the king (her husband) and Haman (her nemesis). Why twice??? Could it be that she felt one banquet wasn't enough because she wanted to make sure the king was affirmed of her affection for him, that she was not challenging his kingly decree like Vashti did, that she fully respected him for his decisions and wasn't questioning his wisdom? Could it be that she knew the best way to tackle Haman was to have her beloved act on her behalf out of mutual trust, that she could expose her enemy for the king to take him on, without him feeling she is defying his royal decree?

If that is true, if that is why Esther thought it wise to lavish her love on her king before exposing the enemy and asking he be disposed of, then we can approach tough times in a totally different way. When you face tough times, and you wonder if the source was God or the devil or you brought it on yourself, think about the 2 banquets. Sure, circumstances in your life - including the super-hate-able ones, could be caused by the devil or yourself, but ultimately it's God who either allows / instigates them. Really. 

So how do you make your case to the One who is responsible for the opposition you face in life? 

How do you take on the enemy without challenging the King's wisdom? 

How do you respond when a crisis happens, when you know the enemy is involved, but God is involved in it too?

Imagine if you responded differently.