monday sunset story

people say that a picture speaks a thousand words.
i say that which cannot be enshrined in a picture speaks infinitely more.

monday i went for my routine jog on the beach. as i walked over to my car short of breath (not very fit now), a glance at the sunset stopped me in my tracks. there was a gravitational pull beckoning me to enjoy it, to just soak in the view and not rush off. i turned back and found a spot under a little tree and leaned back, my face toward the horizon. it has always made a deep impression on me something my dad said many years ago. "you don't get good sunsets with clear skies." funny how naturally some of us think clear skies = nice weather = good sunset. well, at least i did. i stared at the sun slowly being absorbed into the spotclouds of white and gray surrounding it, as if they're hiding the fact that the sun's sinking into the sea. but oh, it was so glorious! anyone would've gasped! sunrays bounced off in brightly glaring orange turning everything that catches its glow into spectacular orangy-yellow hues. the remaining sunrays either reflected off of some spotclouds or penetrated through them, the effect was magnificent. streaks of gray merged with graduated tones of orange streaks across the blue-white sky, and like many times over in the past, i smiled in agreement to my dad's statement but with tears in my eyes.

the most beautiful sunset may well be one speckled with gray clouds all over, and still shines gloriously bright.

a million thoughts flooded into my heart. a gazillion questions.

conversation took place as i let the questions flow incessantly, things i couldn't understand, feelings i couldn't describe. what matters most to You, God? Your thoughts, Your theology? Your child's heart? a life lived in fullness? does that mean a life with no clouds, no mistakes, no gray? like a sunset with no clouds...what beauty is there? perhaps never having to overcome trials or obstacles, is that fullness? never needing to penetrate through clouds, like the evanescence of dreams, like the sun fading quietly into the horizon? what's glorious for my life, clear skies or spotclouds all over? is it always doing what's right or wrong? never creating a cloud? how does one live fully from the heart that God created, but not feel constricted with tension when mind and heart doesn't correspond? how is a journey of faith one of a heart fully come alive yet not going out of bounds at times? dare i come fully alive? dare i know what You really want for me?

trust Your heart, I'm with you.
Your heart will know what to do.
but if my mind says no? Lord, say something.

and God whispered to me...i swallowed them all down and wiped my eyes.

when the sunset was gone, i left for home. think i'm glad i didn't have a camera to immortalize the scene, because "that which cannot be enshrined in a picture speaks infinitely more"...