changes?!?

"be the change you want to see in the world."
mahatma gandhi said this.

past few days been praying for a mighty wind of change, for God to move what men (and women) so far have not been able to. just got back from a, shall i say, intensely disturbing and interestingly boring few-days' camp. will not divulge much info here, but for sure it was one freaking tiring camp simply from the weight of decisions being made there. these are deciding factors in many ways for a future so linked with my own (whether i like it or not), in more ways than i'd like to acknowledge. SO worn-out by now, just glad i made it home! plus, the amount of hakka spoken throughout the whole ordeal gave me a splitting headache i hadn't had for a long time.
am i glad i went? sure.

aside from the buzz of teatime talks, i spent the freetimes thinking by myself just short of seeming anti-social. and as i reflected (coupled with some serious people-watching!) at the camp, it reinforced the fact that one can devote one's whole life to effect change. some social issue. or a cause concerning justice. people do it all the time. suicide bombers, we say, are 'emulate-able' because they're not afraid to die for what they believe in. like Lions for Lambs, "what will you STAND for? what will you FIGHT for? what will you LIVE for? what will you DIE for?" but TRUTH, much like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. there are those who choose to do something when something needs to be done, but sometimes some of these martyrs choose a 'wrong' cause. or rather, they're blind and cannot see what they hold on to may be wrong.

there are so many people, GOOD people, who truly use up decades of their lives serving some system or government or organization or idea of a better world - and we ask ourselves, "do they know there's a better way? do they know there's a whole different view out there? do they realize their inability to SEE?"

with the wariness i felt, it made me unable to fully immerse myself in the post-camp conversation going on with my team, which expressed their enthusiastic hope that with these decisions newly in place from this camp there will be some long-awaited positive changes, FINALLY. inside i pray silently in my heart, "God, i ask that i would always ONLY fight for the cause that You want me to. i don't wanna hold firm to ideals that are not in line with Your will...these who seem so 'blind' yet so fully believe their views are right, how it frustrates me that they cannot see! but Lord, ensure i am not blind myself! here we try to effect change so that they would see these new decisions will bring good. Lord, may i not find myself in those same shoes ever --- thinking i'm being the change i want to see in the world, yet not SEEing my views could be wrong, or 'more right'."

it frightens me to imagine any of us can stand/fight/live/die for change we want to see but be blind to TRUTH. may that not happen when we endeavor to devote our lives for the Kingdom of God. may that not happen when we weigh justice versus mercy, righteousness versus peace. may that not happen when we need to choose conflict above conformity and counterfeit. may TRUTH be seen through the eye of the Greatest Beholder.